In my twenties, my body would do just about anything I commanded. If I could will myself to go for a 75 mile bike ride or a 3 hour run, my body would follow without question. When extreme fatigue set in during the last 5 miles of a 50K trail running race, I kept my feet moving toward the finish by setting incremental psychological goals to get to the next rock or tree. The physical challenge always seemed secondary to the mental obstacles.
At 27, I became pregnant with my first child and suddenly my body could no longer keep up with what my mind was more than willing to do. I wanted to keep running and cycling, but I got winded easily and felt exhausted after the workouts. Don’t get me wrong, I pushed it as far as I possibly could; I was still doing 10 mile runs in my 5th month and 50 mile bike rides in my 7th month. Inevitably, I eventually had to concede.I finished my last trimester with plenty of swimming and I took up a new sport, knitting (it kept me busy, productive, and stationary).
The second paradigm shift I experienced was injury. I got a stress fracture in my foot a few months after I finished third overall in the Golden Gate Headlands Half Marathon on my 30th birthday. I’m still undecided if this injury was due to too much hill running or if it was the age milestone. I found myself, once more, unable to physically fulfill my metal ambitions. Physical therapy didn’t work and ultimately I had to wear the boot immobilizer (a removable cast). Again, I channeled my energy into swimming, only this time I had the capacity to really train. After about 6 months of swimming four days per week (including a 90 min Masters workout on the weekend), I was swimming faster than I ever thought I could (so there is a silver lining!). And just as I was breaking through to the 1:30 lane… I became pregnant with my second child. Yes, it was planned and I was truly ecstatic, but I have to admit a small part of me was sad in knowing that I would lose a good portion of the speed I had worked so hard to achieve.
These experiences have been both humbling and educational. I’ve learned what it is like to carry extra weight, support a growing baby, and work around an injury. I understand what it means to have physical limitations that cannot be overruled by even the strongest willpower. I’ve also learned to embrace such challenges the best I can, move forward with grace, and no matter what, never accept defeat.
